I don’t get to dish up my own food at meal times anymore. Basically, someone else decides the amount of food I get put on my plate. Yes, I feel like I am back in school again while standing in line with my hard plastic tray waiting for the cafeteria staff to dish up my food, my portion. I guess in a way I am back in school. I am living at a boarding school, so a lot of freedom to do things like control my food portions is no longer under my control.
At times I try to be faster than their spoons and let them know: “only a little, please”. But more times than not they beat me to the punch and decide my portion size of rice, pasta, vegetables or whatever they are serving that day. Yeah, it sucks at time, but hey its free! And its my portion.
I had a thought the other day as I rubbed my temples in frustration while staring at my multi-colored and packed calendar.
“THIS is my portion?!?!”
My stress level was building at the thought that it was not even a complete month into 2016 and I was already feeling overwhelmed. Looking at my three different schedules (school, work, and boarding house duties) were already starting to take its toll on me. I even made a weekly schedule to help visualize my busyness and even color coded it.
Red was for my duties at the boarding house.
Light green was for work at the Lebone Centre.
Blue for school work.
Yellow f0r the necessities in life: eating, showering, quiet time with God, exercise, and the one thing I need more of = REST!
So I have my week planned down to the minute. I think I’ve been doing a decent job of following my schedule, but every time I think I am getting ahead, I look up and realize I am actually two steps behind. So my exasperated declaration of:
“THIS is my portion!?!?”
was certainly warranted. (Cue bulging eyes emoji here)
Just as my physical plate at meal time was overflowing, so was my plate in life.
So, I prayed. And prayed. Every. Single. Night. On my knees, crying out before God for help. Guidance. Energy. Anything to lighten the load even a little bit. Then one day I uttered the same statement but with a lot less desperation:
“THIS is my portion.”
The overwhelmed feeling was replaced with awe as I really saw all that God had placed before me. I was in awe that He chose me for this time and filled my plate. He is controlling my portion. He knows what I can handle.
The Holy Spirit led me to a powerful verse in Psalm 16:5-6:
“Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup. You make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
To know and understand that God has assigned me my portion, specifically called me to hold this cup; it is amazing and humbling and changes my perspective on life’s busyness. Now that I understand this I viewed my busyness very differently. I even have started to enjoy it. Welcome more of it. Also since I know the God that I serve and all He is capable f the stress doesn’t bother me anymore. I don’t get overwhelmed because I know God has assigned me to handle this amount, this portion.
Now as a teacher I know a lot about assignments. A teacher gives out an assignment when they know their students are equipped or ready to handle it. Even if the assignment is a bit challenging, the teacher trusts that they have given enough preparation time for the students to attempt it. Besides the teacher knows a challenge is always good because it pushes their students to think deeper and wider while still using knowledge they have already acquired.
So perhaps my best Teacher is doing the same thing with me. He knows this assignment is challenging and will become more challenging, but He knows that He has equipped me with all I will need to tackle this assignment. Even if its hard and I falter He knows it will still increase my faith and trust in Him.
Sometimes God does give us more than we think we can handle. He knows us better then we know ourselves. Since He created us. He also created us for whatever assignments He has in store for our lives. He is always preparing us for these assignments. And where we began to fall short, His grace is sufficient to pick us back up. This is just a chance to remind us of His sovereignty and His capacity and ability.
So yes, THIS is my portion! My overflowing cup! I humbly accept it with a grateful heart!
Pile it on Lord!