One of my biggest fears about moving to South Africa was receiving news that there was a death in the family.

How would I respond? What would I do? How would I feel?

Should I just drop everything that I am doing and book a plane ticket with money I don’t have to be there to memorialize my loved one?

Would it be enough to just put a few deep sentences as my status and close it with #RIP or change my profile picture on Facebook to a picture of my loved one?

What is the protocol to mourn a family member when you are thousands and thousands of miles away?

I don’t know.

Should I bring it up in every conversation or desperately wait for someone to mention the fact that my family member has died? I don’t want to burden someone else with my burden…

I want others to bring up the fact that my family is dying…my loved one is gone. I want someone to empathize with me and ask me how I am doing because this is my family, these are my people. These are people.

I need people to see this just doesn’t affect me but them too. Yes, death is unpredictable but the fear and ignorance that pulled the trigger is preventable.

I feel helpless. I am one senseless murder away from running through the streets screaming and pulling out my hair! I am afraid to turn on the news or get online because I am not sure what I will see. I can’t take this anymore! Why are they killing my family?!

This is not just my family’s problem. This is a world problem and a spiritual battle.

Sometimes I feel like there is nothing I can do or say that will be enough to express my anger and pain. To express my frustration. Years from now when I am back home, will there be judgmental whispers like, “She didn’t make it to the funeral. She wasn’t here.”

I am afraid that it will hang over my head that I didn’t and couldn’t do more. To be more present. To mourn and heal with my family over our great loss. If I had any regrets about moving to South Africa it would be this, but I know that this was a risk I had to risk in order to answer the call that was on my life.

So to my family: I mourn with you. I pray with you and for you. I pray for the lives that were slain. I pray for the lives of those who stole those lives.

To honor the memory of all those who were taken I promise to be great! To shine! To slay!

I promise to build others up and teach children of their greatness. I promise to be proud of my family. I promise to let my hair grow thick and wild. I promise to sing and dance the song of reformation. I promise to love like Jesus loves!

A love that drives out hate. A love that redeems and reconciles. A love that turns the other cheek and embraces enemies. A love that sees past a uniform and into the soul. A love that reminds me that Jesus came to die for me and you. A love that unites and not divides. Help me Holy Spirit to keep this love unbroken!

But, don’t confuse my mourning for weakness. I don’t feel no ways tired…

Advertisements

0 comments on “A Death in the Family

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

THE RIVER WALK

Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.

Just in (suit)Case

Voyage of the Food Maker: God, Guacamole and Globe-trotting

Candid Commentary

The Perspective of a young writer trying to become a better writer

Victorious Blog

Inspiring people to live a victorious life through Jesus Christ

The Natural Hair Diary

The place where all natural hair secrets are kept.

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

%d bloggers like this: