I made it back to South Africa! After a day’s journey and 15 hour plane ride I am home. My second home but home none the less. It feels good to be back, but with being back in this space some old struggles of 2015 also returned with me.
Early in the morning after my first night of being back, an old not so friendly friend showed up. Better known as “the worries”. Yes, they have plagued me in some way, shape or form for the majority of my life, but last year they seemed to take up permanent residence in my heart and mind. Attacking me at the best and worst possible moments. But “the worries” favorite time to mess with me: early in the morning. Right before I get up to start my day they hit and hit hard. My mind races with all the things I must do throughout the day and consequently everything that could possibly go wrong. But when “the worries” are really acting up I can almost feel my blood pressure rising and my body full of anxious energy. This was not good. This was not healthy. This was not of God.
Something had to be done. I could not go on living in this way, so before “the worries” could get a good hold on my mind I did the one thing that solves every problem and relieves any amount of stress. I prayed.
In that most overwhelming moment, I prayed to my Father and asked Him for help. I surrendered every thought, every worry, everything that was causing me stress to Him. I released it all to Him. I exchanged my burdens for His easy yoke (Matt. 11:30). I placed everything at His feet. Through this experience, God was teaching me to rely on Him for EVERYTHING. He was steadily showing me that I can do nothing, absolutely nothing without Him. In fact, I shouldn’t do anything without Him, because I will fail every time. So God showed me how to rely on Him and trust Him with my all. He showed Himself trustworthy, because not one single time did He fail me. Not one single time did I not have something I needed. In fact, I completed all of my work and exceeded my own expectations for the year!
So as I sat on my bed here in South Africa only a few days into the new year, battling with the worries, I could not believe I was back in this same place. Maybe this was a test from God to see if I really did learn to trust Him in this area. Or maybe this was another attack from the enemy to throw me off my game so early in the year. Whatever it was I was determined not to slip back in that space of defeat. But this time my worries were about very simple, small, and even insignificant things. Things that I am even a little embarrassed to share with you. Things I should be ashamed to worry about since I know a lot of people who have much bigger and worse things to worry about on a daily basis. Life and death kind of things. In a way my worries were quite privileged. God has blessed me so much and I do not have a right to be worrying about such basic and trivial things. But there I sat worrying. Stressing. About everything and nothing.
But the worst part was not the content of my worries, but the fact that I felt my God couldn’t (or shouldn’t) handle my worries. God had much bigger and more urgent matters to handle, so why would He be concerned about my selfish worries?
Then the Holy Spirit in His gentle manner dropped a powerful and worry silencing thought in my mind:
“The same God who is able to handle every big problem in life, is the same God who is able to solve every small problem in life.”
Isn’t conviction amazing!
My God is not too big or too powerful that He doesn’t know about our small and even sometime insignificant struggles in life. God is mindful of us (Psalms 8:3-4)! He knows every hair on our heads (Matt. 10:30). He is in tune with us and is concerned about everything that concerns us big and small. God is in every detail of our lives. He misses nothing. My God pays attention to even the smallest and minute details, nothing escapes Him. My biggest worries may be on the smallest things in life, but my Dad is not like man and overlooks the small, but He is a loving Father that is mindful of little ole me. He requires me to take everything to Him in prayer. No prayer is too small or short that God will not listen.
I don’t have to worry about the minor details of life, but I can rest on His promises that He is mindful of me and is able to do anything.
The same God that created the Heavens and Earth in six days, is the same God who makes sure the birds have food to eat and clothes the grass in the fields (Matt. 6:25-34). If God is concerned with these simple things, why do we feel our problems are too small for God to be concerned about and yet we are His children. We are the same in His eyes as Jesus. So we must stop thinking our lives mean nothing to the great and powerful God. We are His children and He thinks about us and our needs. Every little detail is in His hands. He is a big enough God to hear the smallest cry.
I am so glad that my God is not too big to help little ole me. But He is small enough to meet me in my broken place. He is small enough to hear my faintest cries. He is small enough to get into every minor detail of my life and provide all that I will need. He is small enough to pay attention to even the details I forget, to make sure everything will be in place for me to carry out His will. I am so very glad my God is big enough and small enough for anything and everything!